on blogging

Now that I've crested the two-hundredth post mark here on buck buck goose, I've been thinking back about the past fifteen months and how blogging has affected me, taught me, changed me... I've come a long way in so many areas since my first post.

We started this blog, originally titled "The Buck Family," (creative, yes?) to document our journey into parenthood. I used it to post belly pictures for my mom and to journal my pregnancy process. Then when Jonathan was born, this blog served as the point of connection for all of our far away relatives. I loved that they could be part of our journey and "get to know" Jonathan even though we don't live close.

For a long while after J was born, I literally just posted pictures of him, with or without any words at all. Yes, often it was a series of virtually identical pictures, but we won't go there. I wanted to write about motherhood, all that I was learning and feeling, but I was too darn tired. I couldn't think coherent thoughts let alone write them down for someone else to comprehend, so for several months the pictures served as the best documentation I could muster. I am thankful that this blog will serve as Jonathan's baby book, since no other baby book exists for him--ha!

I wasn't really sure what my vision of this blog was for the future. I am really really really reeaalllly bad at sticking with things, so I figured I would go strong for a few months, and then just post here and there. But I've stuck with it. I've continued to post reguarly. And I've learned a lot of things along the way. Do you want to know what they are? I thought you'd never ask...

1. I have something to say. Really! I do! I have a unique perspective that no one else in the world has because no one else sees the world through these eyes. Do I think I have the only thing to say? Or the best or most right thing? Nope. But finding my voice and putting it out there is a right-of-passage in a sense. It was a BIG deal for me to start this blog. I had to overcome hurdles of fear and self-doubt. "Who am I to start writing a blog?" "No one cares what is going on in my life." That may be true, but I've actually found that...

2. Other people like what I have to say. This has been a fun discovery of blogging. I'm funny. I'm smart. I am a decent writer. These are things I have known to some extent before, but it is fun to learn them in this format. The biggest thing that I have learned from blogging, though, is that.......

3. It doesn't matter if other people like what I have to say. I can still say it. And it doesn't mean that people don't like me. It doesn't define my value as a person. I've mentioned a couple times that my need to be needed and my need to be liked have had quite a hold over me in the past. But I have let go of a lot of those things in the past few years, and I truly believe that blogging has been part of that process. I like blogging, and in order to do it, I have had to get over any worries of what other people will think. The close correlation of my blogging time with my new-mommying time has been a huge asset to me learning this lesson. Mommying is a time of cutting the crap, getting over yourself and your silly little worries, and getting down to business. I can't afford to care what other people think because I have to take care of my son. Mommying is a cool time. Which leads me to...

4. Mommying is a time of needing other mommies. And blogging is a great way to meet that need. We are all in this together, and it is ok to need support and encouragement and advice from those who have been there and done that, or who are in it right now. This part of blogging was one that I didn't know would happen, so it's kind of like an added bonus! I started blogging just for me and my family, but in the process got to "meet" so many other moms who can relate to me in a lot of ways simply because we share that one commonality. Don't you just LOVE being a mom? I am so glad I get to be one for the rest of my life.

5. I can stick with something if it is important to me. This kind of frees me up to not stick with things that aren't so important. Now that I know that I can commit, that I actually have the capability to do so, I don't need to prove to myself with any new endeavor that I can stick it out. If I hate it, if it doesn't work, if it's not life-giving, it's ok to let it go. I know now that I'll stick with the good stuff.

Sure, these life lessons would have evolved eventually anyway, but it has been fun to learn them in this context and while interacting with all of you!

Here's to another two-hundred posts!

And for all of you that only look at my blog for pictures of my baby, I will not disappoint...