nursing

Hello, ladies. There's been lots of talk lately about breastfeeding, thanks to TIME mag's wonderfully accurate portrayal on their cover. I've been wanting to reflect on our year of nursing, and I will chose to do so with no regard for the recent hype :). I'll also mention quickly that this post is not well-written. I'm in the mood to write about it but not really in the mood to edit it. Oh and the last warning is that it is all about boobs.... So read at your own risk.

I love nursing Jonathan. I was pretty sure that I would like it, but I didn't know I would love it. But I do. I really do. I'm thankful that we were designed this way, to nourish our babies like this - nourish them with food but also with love and comfort and contact.

That's not to say we haven't had some bumps along the way. We actually hit a major speed-bump right from the start when my milk didn't come in for SEVEN DAYS. Yes that is the truth. Little baby Jonathan just drank colostrum for his first week of life. He lived on the boob. And boy did I make some colostrum! I am around mommies and babies all the time and have never heard of someone being able to pump a whole ounce or more of purely colostrum. But right here ladies - this mama did.

I admit that when it comes to nursing, I did not know what I was doing. At all. Part of the reason my milk didn't come in for so long is because we didn't even nurse at all in the first 24 hours after J was born!!! I will do a lot of things differently with the next baby (if I had a nickel for every time I say that...).

For example, I will not watch the clock. I was a major clock watcher. I would wake him up when I thought it was time to nurse, and I would make sure he nursed for a certain amount of time. Not that I think these practices are that awful, but they have their down sides. With the next baby I will just be ok with nursing whenever s/he wants. I won't get so worried that I am doing something wrong if I have a hungry baby who seems to want to eat all the time. Who cares. Babies go through like a hundred growth spurts in the first fifty days of life, which I know from medical experience, but really know from mommy experience.

Gosh I remember those first few months of nursing - singing to him through the whole feeding to keep him awake enough to finish; wondering, do I pump? Will he wake up hungry in one second if I do pump? (Always the answer to that was YES, he WILL!); sore nipples - take a deep breath before he latches - YIKES!; feeling like we were getting the hang of things and then the next day feeling like we were doing this all wrong.

When I went back to work I started pumping three times per day. Jonathan never had much trouble with bottle/breast switching. I really feel lucky that pumping at work has never been much of an issue. An inconvenience, yes, but never a problem with my employer or anything. Pumping sucks (no pun intended), but it's worth it. I never was one to be able to pump a large volume, nor was I ever a big milk producer in general. I admit that sometimes I'm amazed that we've been able to nurse for as long as we have. There have been multiple times that I have been worried about my precarious supply, but things always seemed to work out (Jonathan would be less hungry for a few days so I could build up my storage supply, for example).

I didn't think much about nursing for a whole year or not. I just figured we would go for at least a year and see what happened. It wasn't really a big goal or something to work toward, it was just what we did, what worked for us. I do feel proud in a way I guess that I have been able to give this gift to my baby, but I understand nursing so differently than before I had Jonathan. I think it would have been weirder not to nurse, rather than something to try really hard to make happen. It was just so normal and natural. (Not to mention CONVENIENT!! Plane rides are much more pleasant with boobs full of milk available at all times.) And I do think it makes for a strong mommy-baby bond, because I know it is a major way that he and I connect.

I remember the first time Jonathan actually looked up at me and made eye contact while he nursed. I remember when he started always touching my face and mouth while he nursed. These days it is such fun cuddle time -  he is so cute when I tickle him and he does this funny grin/giggle but doesn't want to unlatch. Oh I will never forget these times.

So, aside from the first three days of major difficulties, and even with the few issues since then, I have absolutely loved nursing. (Have I mentioned that yet?) I am one of those moms. I get all teary-eyed and dreamy and hormonal-high when I think about nursing. I.just.love.it. You can lean past your computer keyboard to puke if you need to because of all the mushy-gushy-ness.

So now he's almost a year. What do we do next? I am sad to think about not nursing him as frequently, and pretty much crushed when I think about not nursing at all. I plan to start cutting back on our daytime nursings in the next month or so, and then cutting out the morning and before bed times when he is ready. I feel good about where we are at. If there is anything I have learned this year, it's that Jonathan is pretty good about doing things when he is ready, so I'm not feeling (too) worried or anxious about these next couple months.

Ok so that is our deal with nursing this past year. This was one of those posts that was just good for me to get into words. Sorry, no pictures to go along with this topic. I'd love to hear any other thoughts about nursing, though, especially how things went with weaning/switching to whole milk. (I know, I know, I'm supposed to know all this stuff - but you've heard me talk about how different it is to give advice to patients vs. actually do it!)