working mom

If you're stopping by from Kelly's Korner, welcome!

I was excited to see this opportunity on Show Us Your Life for working moms to connect. I'd love to meet other working-mom-bloggers. I work as a Pediatric physician assistant, and I am so fortunate to work part time. I really love my job and am definitely a better PA now that I am a mom (and maybe a better mom because I work as a PA??... Not quite sure about that one. At the very least, I am a very informed mom... sometimes too informed). I had wanted to post some reflections on being a working mom, but never got around to it. This seemed like a good time to do just that!

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Years ago, (I mean YEARS--were we dating or engaged, babe?) Jon and I stumbled into discussing the topic of whether moms should work or not. I am sure we were talking about it in the context of us, but it was also one of those broader conversations, with different levels of meaning and psychoanalysis potential.

I had just always assumed that I would work when I had kids. Because my mom did. And he just always assumed his wife wouldn't work when they had kids. Because his mom didn't. That was the main argumentative point behind each of our opinions--what we had known as kids. Growing up, my mom was ultra-involved: knowing all my friends, going on field trips, coaching my OM team (can I get a what-what from any fellow OM'ers?), starting the "Math Club" at my elementary school, coming to my school plays, helping me with homework and projects... all while maintaining a full-time job as a chemist, and later as a teacher (geez... now that I think about it... Mom, how did you do that?!). I never really noticed that she was a working mom. She was just my mom, who worked, and who did everything with me.

Fast-forward, oh, five-ish years, to when Jon and I are newly married. The topic comes up again, and I thought I would be oh-so accommodating by "giving in" to my new husband's opinion. At least, his prior opinion. We were barely two sentences into Round Two of the working-mom convo, when he deals out this one: "Well, I guess it wouldn't be that big of a deal if you worked. I mean, moms do it all the time. You can definitely still care well for your kids and work. We'll just see how things go."

Um. Excuse me? That wasn't exactly part of the deal. I had spent the past five-ish years thinking about the option of not working once we had kids. And to tell you the truth, I had warmed up to the idea...

Fast-forward, oh, one, and then two, and then three and four-ish years (aka: we talked about this a LOT).  Lots of talking. Lots of hurt feelings and misunderstandings and insensitive words about this pretty sensitive topic. Especially sensitive when considering my mothering-nesting-baby-wanting-buttery-goodness was oozing out of my pores for several years before we actually produced a baby. My mothering urge was sentimentalizing me enough that I REALLY wanted to be home with my sweet ooey-gooey baby, who didn't even exist yet.

Needless to say, you are reading this post right now because I am linking up to the "working moms" day... so the end of the story seems clear. What is less clear, though, is how surprisingly well this working mom thing is, well, working out.

I know I dreaded going back to work during maternity leave. Not because I didn't like my job (quite the contrary, actually), but because obviously the thought of leaving my little bug-a-boo melted me into tears. And that's basically what I looked like my first day back: a puddle of tears. The nurses and patients were great, though, and I got to talk about Jonathan basically all day, which helped.

In the midst of the emotions, though, I remember feeling something I hadn't felt so acutely before. Maybe it was "awake," or "clean," as the previous ten weeks with a new baby felt a sore lack of those things. But, more, I think it was something along the lines of "capable," and "empowered." Sure, motherhood alone offers these feelings in truck loads, but it is harder sometimes to sift them out through the laundry loads. I really do think that becoming a mom has in general ignited more of a capable-ness sense in me than ever before. But then at work, I was not only capable at home, I was also capable of giving to other people too! And the nature of my job is such that I get to offer my capabilities to other moms who need it--a lot of whom are working moms themselves. So I get to be a mom at home, and all day at work! Not a bad set up if you ask me.

I am so thankful that I have been able to drop back to three days a week with work. And I am so thankful that right now my husband can stay home those three days to care for Jonathan. I know these things make this working-mom thing more workable for me. I don't know if my life as a mom will always involve some hours of work outside the home, but if it does, I'm ok with that. If it doesn't, I'm ok with that, too. Jon and I have decided that in each season, we will sit down and determine what is best for our family, and both agree that right now, this is what works for us.

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Thanks for reading! I'll look for you back on Kelly's Korner. Thanks, Kelly for hosting!